Waking up this morning I decided I wanted to write another post about a transgender person, someone that I find inspirational. I do this as when I began my transition role models such as Ty Turner, Laverne Cox, Alex Bertie etc. really helped me understand myself and also made me feel good, like I wasn’t alone. I was doing some research and I stumbled upon Carmen Carrera (I will be uploading a TransInspiration post), a transgender woman who is a model, actress and advocate. Whilst watching various interviews on YouTube I scrolled down to the comments. I wish I hadn’t.
*Please don’t read further if you might be triggered by transphobic comments*
The comments pretty much ranged from saying she will never be a woman to transwomen rape men when they don’t divulge they’re transgender. Firstly I just want to put it out there that transgender people aren’t monsters. I wouldn’t continue any romantic potential if the other person didn’t know my gender identity. Secondly, I’m sure in the scenario of a transgender woman going home with a straight man she too is going to tell him her scenario – whether that be pre-op or post-op. Also, who’s the immoral person in this scenario. The transgender woman who either leaves telling the man until the last minute because she’s nervous or the man who right up until that point definitely was attracted to this woman, to react negatively and sometimes violently. I’d say the latter.
My heart beating against my rip cage like it was going to pop out and sucker punch these haters I commented the following…
Legit none of you even know her [Carmen Carrera] personally. Is your masculinity really that fragile? Sounds like a bit too much castration anxiety and too little understanding. Maybe you should leave her to be whoever she wants to be and focus on why you’re so triggered by a transgender woman. She’s not telling you how to live so don’t tell her how to live. Simple.
I stand by that comment. Even if the man in that situation feels threatened by the situation (although he has no reason to be, I understand that you can’t help instinctive feelings), respectfully say that you’re not in the mood, or that you’d rather not, you’d rather go for a coffee right now instead. Anything other than pure rejection. Not wanting to sleep with someone because they’re transgender isn’t transphobic (people have their preferences) but reacting negatively or violently, reacting in any way that isn’t nice or letting them down gently, is transphobia.
I cannot comprehend the people who make these comments, because it isn’t their lives. Parents commenting – frustrating but understandable. Random strangers who don’t know you, I don’t understand why they think they have a platform to preach their hate. A few months ago reading comments like this would have ruined my day, and although I’m angry and frustrated as people’s ignorance it’s important to rise above it. So that’s what I’m going to do.