Was I Meant To Happen?

Quite a lot of people will ask themselves this at least once in their lifetimes. I find myself asking the question more frequently, it creeps up on me when I’m in the shower, when I look in the mirror, sometimes when I least expect it.

Some people, maybe most people, like to believe that we are a part of something that is greater than ourselves. Whether that means serving the community, going to Sunday sermons or putting trust in fate, is up to the individual. The greatest question humanity has faced is ‘why are we here?’ Maybe that’s why NASA is funded on such a massive scale, maybe if we find life beyond our own then we can try to understand the question further.

If someone who read this blog jumped in a time machine, travelled backwards 5 years and told me of the path I would be now taking, I think I would be taken aback, not because I didn’t think these things, more because I didn’t think it would be possible to do this. So sometimes, I find myself in a state of disbelief, wondering how this is possible.

So I find myself asking sometimes, if there is a God, was there an intention to create people like me? Are transgender people purposefully created or were we a mistake, born into the wrong bodies? Nature versus nurture – was I always supposed to be Nathan? Or did situations in my life affect me so much that I am now Nathan?

Ever since I’ve been studying the critical theory module of my degree, I find myself asking questions more and more, but still not being able to answer them. Maybe there isn’t an answer. This accelerated thinking could pan out to be a good thing, but at the moment I just feel as though my mind won’t switch off.



  1. Hi Nathan.

    Are you familiar with Two-Spirit people in native cultures? Actually two-spirited people were a thing across many cultures, but they were mostly neglected or forgotten/adapted in the process of modernization. There is a pretty cool movie about a teacher in Hawaii who is a type of two-spirit. They establish a bridge between men and women, functioning as somebody who can assume either role.

    Of course Two-Spirit is not exactly the same as transgender. Back in those days, I think they did not perform full medical transition on people (with some exceptions, like in India). So they just lived in the cultural role of their preferred gender. Often they were also thought to have special skills that nobody else in the tribe had.

    Oh and the your mind not switching off thing. Try going for a long walk or doing some sports 😉 It helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t actually ever heard of that, but it sounds interesting, I’ll have to research.
      I work out every other day to try and stop thinking so much, and it does help. I do want to try some sports though.
      Thanks for letting me know about this tribe thing, I’m going to have to look into that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Nathan,
    I am reminded about a question that was asked of a little person…If there was a magic pill that would “cure” you of your dwarfism, and make you typical height and proportions, would you take it? He said no, because it would change who he was…and being a dwarf is part of who he is. He would not have the same feelings, attitudes, compassion and outlook that he does now. So, he would not be able to contribute to his family and to the world the things he can… being exactly who he is now… if he was someone else.

    Then he was asked, If we lived in a perfect world would he still have been born with dwarfism. His answer was also no. Then he said something that we all forget, that in this world no one is perfect. That we are all in the same boat. That no one is exempt from having some kind of peculiarity.

    I agree. In an imperfect world we need differences among us. It is vital in a diverse world. In a perfect world where there would be much fewer differences among people, plus no hate or prejudice, then there would be no NEED for what we *absolutely need* in this world. If there was no one that was similar to me. That had my peculiarities, then I would feel utterly alone and it would probably devistate me.

    I consider myself a Christian. But having studied scripture and having sought after God for a long time, I can say that the more I learn about Him the more I realize how far we are from doing things the way He intended. That going to church, following certain rules, being in denial about certain things and putting God in a little box so He doesn’t seem so scary is what Christianity has become in many places. Which is why certain people have been kicked out or told God does not want them. It hurts my heart and sometimes I don’t want to be associated with the word Christian…even though it originally meant “little Christ”…and that is something I want to be! I want to be an example of the love of Christ to others.

    Anyway, I know through my own personal searching and reading that it is not “in your head” or because you are sinning that you have your specific “peculiarities”. There is hard scientific reasons behind what you have went through…and I hope more and more people discover these truths.

    I have a transgender Christian friend who came to understand what was happening inside her…and that it of course started in the womb. She agreed that this article, among others, can give people some insight as to why some individuals are born appearing to be one gender, but chromosomally (and truly) are the opposite gender. (Something many Christians desperately need to understand) It does not directly address being transgender… as it is directed at the issue of indeterminate gender. But I think it gives some insight into why so may people have scientifically not felt comfortable in their own skin.


    Take care!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment, it really has opened my eyes and I think I needed to read something like this. I think I needed some insight, sometimes it is hard to get that when you are in the situation yourself, taking a step back can be difficult. Thank you again, it means a lot 🙂


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