Was I Meant To Happen?
Quite a lot of people will ask themselves this at least once in their lifetimes. I find myself asking the question more frequently, it creeps up on me when I’m in the shower, when I look in the mirror, sometimes when I least expect it.
Some people, maybe most people, like to believe that we are a part of something that is greater than ourselves. Whether that means serving the community, going to Sunday sermons or putting trust in fate, is up to the individual. The greatest question humanity has faced is ‘why are we here?’ Maybe that’s why NASA is funded on such a massive scale, maybe if we find life beyond our own then we can try to understand the question further.
If someone who read this blog jumped in a time machine, travelled backwards 5 years and told me of the path I would be now taking, I think I would be taken aback, not because I didn’t think these things, more because I didn’t think it would be possible to do this. So sometimes, I find myself in a state of disbelief, wondering how this is possible.
So I find myself asking sometimes, if there is a God, was there an intention to create people like me? Are transgender people purposefully created or were we a mistake, born into the wrong bodies? Nature versus nurture – was I always supposed to be Nathan? Or did situations in my life affect me so much that I am now Nathan?
Ever since I’ve been studying the critical theory module of my degree, I find myself asking questions more and more, but still not being able to answer them. Maybe there isn’t an answer. This accelerated thinking could pan out to be a good thing, but at the moment I just feel as though my mind won’t switch off.