An Urge To Say Goodbye
Since being at university, living independently, trying to work hard, I haven’t had much time to post on here. In some ways, I’m glad, there was a point in my life when I had to write on here just to be able to get through the day. Now I look back at that point, and I can see how far I’ve come. It makes me proud, to think that I got here, as Nathan, as me.
I’ve reached my short term goal, to become myself, to get to university, I suppose that’s why there is an urge to leave this blog behind, to move onto something different. But I know that sometimes I will need to come back here and write, I know that where there is an urge to leave, there is also one to stay. This blog will never be deleted because I know in a few years, maybe when I have surgery or when testosterone has taken effect, that I will want to look back on these posts to see how far I’ve come, I already feel like I’ve taken some giant steps.
After Kai (a fellow blogger) took a step down from his blog, it inspired me to do the same. But I like to think myself a writer and I haven’t quite got the heart to let this go. I had a scare earlier that my flatmates would find this blog, I’m keeping the fact that I am transgender private, it wasn’t too long ago I didn’t even like saying the word out loud. I thought about deleting it for that reason, but I don’t regret anything I have written here, so I will keep it where it is, if they find it (which although I hope doesn’t happen) then I will deal with that. Although I often hide this part of myself from people, I won’t let myself be ashamed of it, because for a long time I was, a part of me still is on harder days, but I know that isn’t healthy. I know that isn’t fair on me, or other transgender people.
I’m here to stay.