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The Blank Page I Need

It seems like a lifetime ago I was trying to calm down my nervous girlfriend as we headed off to collect our A Level results. Turns out there was nothing to worry about, miraculously, despite transitioning mid A Levels, I managed to achieve AAA in English, Media Studies and Religious Studies. I don’t know how I did it, all I know is, without Tamara, I would never have gotten this far. She’s encouraged me at every difficult moment, pointed out how I can be better, helped me achieve everything that I have achieved, both in my education and my transition.

Although during every day life, I feel as if I haven’t progressed much, looking back, at myself, my grades and my relationship, I realise now that I have taken giant leaps, crucial to becoming the man I was always supposed to be. I guess I’m afraid now, because my future is well within my reach, only six more weeks and Tamara and I will be moving to Southampton, but I’m scared something will get in the way. Something always tries to.

We’re arguing more lately, and that scares me, because she is everything that I have ever wanted, all I want is for her to be happy, and I would do anything to give her happiness. I want to fill her up, because I know she completes me, we’re a pair and I can’t imagine anything without her.

My transition has been hard on our relationship, I know that, it’s not something that many couples have to go through. On top of that, general relationship issues, trying to complete our A Levels, and family drama. Tamara is my miracle, I feel so lucky to have her in my life, and be a part of hers.

We’re almost at the 18 month mark, some people think that this might be early days, but I know every time I look at her, whether she’s smiling, laughing or crying, that I want to spend every good moment and every bad moment with her.

University might be a blank page, but there are still two main characters. Tamara and Nathan. I just can’t wait to write the next chapter.



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